December 26th, 2008 by admin

Mindoob Alkamin‘Eeoob Ebib’.

It can’t be translated fully, but would mean something like ‘Ancient Camel Soldier’. Mindoob graduated in ‘Historic Saddles’ from the old Oudjmenistan capital Sidj-Ooee. The new capital Idj-Sooee was built when the old one began to smell and looks just like the old capital.  Mindoob was a sergeant in the Oudjmenistan Resistance Party (and got a medal for it) during the  Sminsk-Oudjmenistan Kerfuffle but now works for Sophia Arsenic Cladj as a translator. Mindoob also plays the Saz and the Oud in her spare time.

Vasili Arvi‘Gorgoly-Aparchinav’

Here translated as ‘The Glorious Archaeology that proves that we, The Glorious Sminsk Peoples, were here first with potatoes and the shoe’.) Vasili went to Sminsk University to read ‘Glorious Bolshevik Industrial Units for the freed socialist masses‘, and it is there, where he met Svetalana in the Hammer & Sickle pub where she worked to pay her way through University and to keep her mother supplied with potatoes for the winter. Vasili is now the Director General of Le Tractor Mouffit factory  on behalf of the EBC (Eastern Bloc Collective) in Sminsk and is still in love with Svetalana.

The Feral Bede

A very well read and clever but incoherent monk who lives  at Jarrow Monestary who nobody understands (and not beacause he’s Geordie) – ‘Ee, hinny ah divvn’t knaa wat ist in me duffle’. – (‘The Pilgrimage of The Stowaway Baby Seal‘.) He now time travels with the baby seal because of Sophia Arsenic Cladj’s temporal accidents and writes academic books.

Sophia Arsenic Cladj‘Ousiwad Susedjnet’.

(Translated here as ‘Time Machines’.)  Sophia comes from the far flung edges of the Sminsk-Smir Republic that borders the Oudjmenistan Empire and is the leading temporal scientist of that region. Her research is seen as faulty as all she has been able to bring forward in time and space are Geordie monks and baby seals.  She originally worked as a librarian in the old university town of  ‘Oump’  because of her accident with her foot being trapped in a ‘Mangalator’ and had to wear a special shoe. She kept her mobile phone in it along with some biscuits. Sophia is now working on a fishcake making machine for the high priest of the very distant Llandidlio-Anchevois Triangle.

Mousaka Mascari ‘The Singing Siren of Helleniki’.

Mousaka Mascari is like Cassandra the ancient Greek Prophetess/Oracle. (No one ever believed her prophecies until it was too late) No one can believe what they are hearing when Mousaka sings.

Svetlana Nodj – ‘Smirdirdrobierzonaboizh‘.

(Roughly translated as ‘The Sminsk Peoples Glorious Traculator that gives the socialist increase by the golden banks of The Wonderous Smir river’.) Svetalana wrote this treatise on the merits of the Glorious Traculator that she invented in the 1950s for the Eastern Bloc Corporation who own the Le Tractor Mouffit factory in Sminsk (run by Vasili Arvi) She was a ‘Symphony in serge’ as ‘January’ on the Le Tractor Mouffit calendar and was once ‘Miss Industrial Unit 1958’. She is now in retirement and lives in a factory shed on the banks of the Smir river.

Ashkelaz Tadjoukelik

The lover of Mindoob, who also was in the Oudjmenistan Resistance Party as a corporal;  He who now breeds goats for the Beautiful Goat Farm Collective who send them all over the world to unfortunate couples. He once starred in Oudjmenistan Tv’s only soap opera, ‘Madoulik Abatz’ – ‘The Madoulik Twins don’t wash their steps every morning’.  At the moment, he is getting gold teeth for Mindoob’s birthday along with a book about goat poetry.

Madoulik Twins